Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
