The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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