you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
