Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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