i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
