his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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