All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
