I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
