Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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