I want to have your abortion
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
