Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
