we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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