Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
