I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
