I'm lost and stupid without you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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