He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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