Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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