Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
