my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
