We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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