It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
