I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
