By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
