worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
