In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
