phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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