the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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