At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
