He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
