I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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