did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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