The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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