just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
