I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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