i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
