Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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