He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
