The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
