He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
