You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
