i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
