Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We got so high we made milksteak
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
