being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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