Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My feet surprised me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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