i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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