fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
