Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
