Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
should my penis look like a turkey
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
