Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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