I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
