I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
