he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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