I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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