Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
